Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
