LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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