omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
