Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
