I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We are all done wearing pants today
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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