Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
