i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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