Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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