Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
