Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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