How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm too high and old for this...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
