but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
