..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
