I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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