you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
