Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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