I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize
