I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
