so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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