Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
His hands were made for my vagina.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
