Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
