when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
