K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
