I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
