He uses pillows to masturbate.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
