so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
