Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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