paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
