Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
