Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
