this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Found your dick twin last night
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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