Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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