There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
