Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
