The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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