yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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