is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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