Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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