Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
