i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
