just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
