Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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