I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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