Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
