im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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