winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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