You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
