Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i believe in u and ur pee
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
