She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
i've created a new STD.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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