chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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