Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
