Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
